Conspicuous Cynic

I started smoking in college. I began at the encouragement a couple of friends, sometimes in a park or a backyard. I remember I had to stop when I started working. But after my brief finance career ended I could smoke again and enjoy the outdoors.

When I told a friend about how I started smoking again, he seemed concerned “You ok? Want to talk about it? Why’d you start?”

I was perfectly fine at the moment and I suppose he seemed interested enough if he wanted to talk about it. Nonetheless, It was the last question that I felt was most appropriate to answer, and I did:

As I said before, it started in college. I had two friends Kevin and Oscar. I wouldn’t say either of them was a bad influence, but I do think that if my parents found out I was smoking during school time, they probably would not have been too happy that I wasn’t devoting that time studying. What can I say? That’s the Korean mindset.

Kevin did things a bit differently I guess from me, which is why I liked him. He was born Korea, so I suppose that could explain some things. Nonetheless he said he smoked a few times before in his life, usually with older people or something like that. You learn you forget the details, even with your closest friends.  He enjoyed smoking by himself, because of the alone time it gave him. I learned to appreciate that as I got older too. Smoking gave me, “Me Time”. No other worries or concerns and I’ll admit I thought it was kind of cool the way people would look at me when I was smoking. I always thought girls found the habit kind of interesting, perhaps a bit edgy? Instead of being socially awkward with strange conversation, I could pretend I was concentrating on smoking. What can I say? I am massively insecure.

Oscar was a unique guy himself. He wasn’t really the type of guy to bust A’s in schools or do everything on time. But, he was the type of kid who when he put his mind to something, he would be behind it 100%. When we decided to start smoking, I realized Oscar was a good friend to start smoking with. Even better, he was always up for smoking. Anytime, I could call him up and say, “Hey Oscar! Let’s smoke.”, and he would be up for it. I even remember one time we started smoking on his balcony, we got chastised by an old couple. They screamed at us, “You are going to one day cause a fire!”. They were old farts, how could smoking cause a fire? I think it was just because we looked young. Who knows what was causing them to be so cantankerous. Even though Oscar lives far away, I always know he’d be ready to smoke.

I’ll admit the first time I smoked with these kids, I thought it tasted real good. Smokiness is obviously one characteristic that I tasted, but it also tasted very sweet, like the smell of the inside of a fine tobacco shop. So, was it only “peer pressure”? Perhaps. I think though watching enough TV or through my own travel and curiosity I would have come across it in some other way. It’s not like I live in a vacuum or anything. I know how I might not necessarily fit into that demographic of a “typical smoker”, but I don’t think that would have stopped me anyways. I’ll admit I don’t really look like the typical smoker. When I am around people who smoked for many years, they can tell I am a newbie. Nowadays, a lot of people don’t smoke anyways. Even if they do, most probably keep it to themselves. It’s not like the first thing people say when they introduce themselves is, “Oh hi, my name is John and I like to smoke.”

I know what you are thinking, it can be a nasty habit. Every part of your body smells like smoke. I remember showering right after I smoked, my Mom was able to figure out  that I had been smoking that afternoon. At church, it is always embarrassing because one of the parent’s young daughter named Shelby, always walks by and screams really loudly, “You smell like smoke!” The audacity of children coupled with their frankness can certainly be humbling. Your hands pick up that smell real quick and no matter how many times you wash with soap, it definitely doesn’t go away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve burned my fingers by accident when I was not paying attention while I am smoking.

I know it’s not good for me, especially when I smoke for long periods of time. I didn’t realize this at first, but it can be somewhat of an expensive habit. When you smoke, you probably don’t realize it, but the day to day can definitely add up. Also, I don’t need a medical degree to tell me inhaling all of that smoke is probably not the best thing for me either. But what can I say? It relaxes me. I cough a little here and there but for the most part I can manage. The worst is if the smoke gets in your eyes. I tear up quite a bit and actually during those moments I ask myself, “Why do you need to do this?”  But, I realize the answer to that question is pretty obvious.

I smoke because it teaches me to be patient. It shows me the best things need time to fully mature and be savored. It taught me the best decisions sometimes aren’t made in an instant but need to be thought out carefully.

I smoke because it is relaxing. I can do it by myself and take the moment to ponder something other than the daily things that stress me. When friends see me with my fire, they know to stay back.

I smoke because I can make it social. While smoking, I can play cards with my friends, eat a couple snacks or discuss for hours the latest political stories.

Finally, I smoke because there is nothing quite like waiting ten hours before opening the smoker and being hit with massive plumes of applewood smoke as a juicy piece of brisket emerges.

He interrupted me, “You’re an idiot, you scared me for a second.”

I am still confused. I think he was a vegetarian.

How to Make Bacon

So for those of you who think I am all talk with this smoking habit. I want to show you guys how to make some of the things I’ve always talked about. My apologies for those who need to keep Kosher/Halal/Vegetarian, I will post up more recipes (Brisket, Salmon, Trout, Pulled Pork)

The reason why I pick Bacon is because its the simplest and also the most forgiving. You could screw up in a lot of ways and still get a piece of meat that might be a little salty/overcooked/dry but still quite delicious. Come on guys, it’s Bacon! So here we go.

Ingredients:
Sam Gyup Sal (Pork Belly)
Brown Sugar
Salt (Non-Iodized)
I swear that’s it……

Prep Work

If you are wondering where you can some of this glorious meat, ask anyone with the surname Kim where their mother goes to shop for groceries. If you live in Flushing, LA or Bergen County this shouldn’t be too big a deal. Otherwise, you might have to ask a Butcher to slice some pork belly for you. I would say 1/3 inch to 1/2 inch cut is fine. You can get a huge slab, totally uncut but it will take longer to smoke and will have less surface area exposed to smoke flavor. Also, unless you have a slicer it might be tougher for you to get cool slices of bacon.

Get some Sam Gyup Sal (Sliced Pork Belly) from your local Korean Grocer. It should look something like this

You need to set up a dry brine for the meat. I use roughly 3 parts sugar and 1 part salt (I tried to 2 to 1 the last time but it came out a little too salty. Since you can always add salt later but never take it away, I err on the side of little less salty), but actually do it mostly by feel. I take this mixture and pretty much coat the bacon until it is completely covered by the the dry brine. After it is covered, put each slice of bacon in a non-metallic container. I would also advise to stick with non-iodized Kosher salt. The iodine can sometimes leave a slightly metallic twinge on the flavor of the bacon. Likewise, those with fancy sea salts should also be wary that sometimes the meat might pick up and intensify some metallic flavors.

It should look something like this. Don’t worry about the “gooeyness”, the purpose of this process is to extract water from the bacon and gives the bacon a very sweet and intense flavor.
You can let the bacon sit in the fridge for a day or so. It will look something like this:
Notice how all of the sugar/salt crystals are gone. That is a good sign since it means plenty of moisture has been extracted from the meat. I usually just cure it overnight, but have experimented for longer with good results as well. I would be careful as to the amount of bacon you pack. If you pack too much the container might overflow with the curing liquid once you open it up again.
Take all of the bacon out and rinse them with water. This might be perhaps the most surreal experience mankind can experience with fat. You know that heavy breathing noise Paula Deen makes whenever she talks about using more butter, you can actually feel that as you rinse the bacon. This is part of why making bacon by yourself never gets old. But I digress. Make sure there is no excess glop on any of the bacon and proceed to lay it out on racks/foil/towels. I would pat off excess water with a paper towel and let them sit there for a while. This is going to take a bit of time as well, I’d say at least 2 hours or so. Racks are probably the best since you get the best airflow. If you are running a little short on time or are just really impatient, you could turn on a fan and speed up the process a bit. Don’t try drying the meat outside. I have to then deal with neighborhood cats that prowl around. Once its thoroughly dried, try touching the meat and seeing if its a little sticky and shiny. At this point, its ready for the smoker.

(Shoo! Bear! Shoo!)

Smoking Time (Standard Grill)

You will need at this point an everyday charcoal grill, charcoal and wood. I would also suggest using charcoal chimneys which really help speed up the process.

These are rather simple contraptions. Simply put some charcoal on the top, stuff one sheet of newspaper underneath and light the paper on fire. Around 15 minutes or so you’ll have glowing hot embers to use for your fire. I also suggest using natural wood charcoal, not briquettes. These tend to last much longer than your average briquette and don’t leave a whole pile of ash to contend with. The charcoal thus is not uniformly shaped and looks all jagged like this:

Once the coals are ready, place them into the side of the grill. Don’t use too many, the point is the get the bacon to smoke not to grill. Place the bacon on your grill trays and place them on the opposite side of the grill. Then place a couple wood chunks by the coals. (In this case, I am using apple since its smoke is tasty without being too harsh. I’ve used maple, cherry, oak and pear as well, but apple has been my go to wood). It should look something like this:

Notice how the wood has not caught fire. You don’t want the wood to be flaming hot but instead just emitting good clouds of smoke. If you close your grill, plumes of smoke should be streaming out.

Leave it alone for 2 hours at around 200-250 degrees. Don’t feel too bad if it gets a little bit hotter than as long as smoke is coming out. Since the meat is relatively thin, you don’t need to spend too long smoking it, like a brisket or ribs.

Smoking (Vertical Water Smoker)

Smoking with the vertical smoker is not much different.

These things are pretty cool. A bottom bowl for holding the coals, a middle bowl for water, a couple grill grates for the meat and a lid. These simple contraptions aren’t too pricey and keep the process simple. The process is pretty much the same.

Light up your coals into the bottom bowl/pan.

While the fireworks are kind of cool here, this actually can be annoying since the embers can burn you. I used Royal Oak for the first time and this happened. I used Whole Foods brand which has worked extremely well for me.

After you get the coals ready, fill your middle pan with water. Since the vertical smoker has the heat source directly under your food, the water pan cools some of the heat, preventing the food from being cooked before its properly smoked. The pan will also catch any drippings that might otherwise fall directly on the coals. Then, stock up the trays with your meat and rack them in your smoker.

At this point you can close the contraption. Usually, in these smokers there will be a side door for you to manage the fire, as well as place your wood.

Again, the wood should be right on top of the coals and shouldn’t flame up on their own. Notice how the water pan is shielding the meat from direct heat. The key with smoking is indirect heat. Give it a couple hours.

Regardless, of which smoker you use as long as the temperature isn’t too hot and the smoke is pillowy and abundant you’ll have a fine looking and tasting bacon. Midway through the process the bacon will probably look like this.

Wait a bit longer, and you’ll get a more deeply brown colored bacon.

Again, watch out for any wildlife that might try to steal your meat. Since, NJ laws prevent me from hunting brown bears without a license, I can only shoo him away.

(They always return)

After the bacon is done smoking, I would crisp it on a grill or skillet. This will get them nice and crispy and concentrate the salty, sweet, smoky, fatty flavors into Paula Deen heaven.

Voila. Bacon!!!!
Since this isn’t your typical store-bought bacon with preservatives and since I don’t use nitrates either during the curing process, this bacon will last a little more than a week. I wouldn’t try to extend the life of it too long, but I guarantee after you and your friends taste it, you probably won’t let it sit in the fridge for too long.

Spicy Southwest Bacon

For those of you willing to experiment, I also made a “Spicy Southwest Bacon”. I made a dry rub that included paprika, chipotle powder, chili powder, cumin and garlic powder. Then I covered the bacon in the rub and proceeded to smoke it immediately after.
It looks a little grimy, but once I smoked it and cooked it, it came out quite nice. A deep smoky flavor with a real earthy spiciness. Quite tasty. Most people I served this too actually enjoyed it more than the sweeter bacon.