Jeff Lee Facts
Alas, I’ve been pretty lazy with my blog as well as keeping in touch with my friends. But happy birthday to you Jeff (albeit two days late) As a tribute, I will be re-posting the Jeff Lee Facts:
Jeff rode a camel through an eye of a needle. Why? Just cuz….
Jeff is a fan of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers because he believes “first is last and last is first”
When you ask Jeff for a fish, he will give you a serpent. When you ask him for an egg, he will give you a scorpion.
Jeff only reads the Song of Songs with parental supervision.
One time when Jeff went over Mary and Martha’s crib, he slapped Mary and told her to help Martha prepare dinner.
Jeff has never harvested grain or burned chaff on the Sabbath.
Jeffgu once fed five thousand with 2 tortillas and three pieces of a hot dog. Needless to say, they were still very hungry.
Jeff is allowed to take the log out of your eye.
Jeff’s favorite book of the Bible? Romans? John? No….Leviticus…….the KJV version in Hebrew.
Jeff Lee read one time that the Word needed to be inside of him. So, he ate a whole bible. Actually two, an NIV when he was young and an ESV to be theologically saavy.
The only person Jeff has ever gotten angry at is at me. This is known as “righteous anger”
Jeff will never eat deviled eggs or devil’s food cake.
At picnics and barbeques, he is allowed to heap burning coals on anyone who makes fun of him.
The actual demise of Delilah happened when she asked Jeff about his weakness. He said if she cut his hair he would lose all his strength. After she cut his hair, he slayed her with the jawbone of a donkey.
In the story of the adulterer, Jeff actually was looking for a big stone.
Jeff measures his income in shekels and drachmas.
Originally the mustard seed parable was supposed to be about Jeff, but then it was realized faith the size of Noah’s ark would be discouraging.
Jeff in his only guest appearance on the Simpsons, beat Ned Flanders in Bible Trivial Pursuit.
Jeff has successfully placed new wine in old wineskins without them bursting.
Jeff is allowed to cook a goat in its mother’s milk.
Jeff has followed every law written in the book of Leviticus.
If a guy ever touches a cloth on Jeff’s body, that guy can be immune in liking women. Jeff during that very very brief moment finds the female form attractive.
Jeff once overturned all the tables at church when they had a bake sale, calling it a den of robbers. The only thing the church now sells are ESV bibles with commentary by RC Sproul.
Jeff’s farts smell like myrhh and morning breath smell like frankincense.
When one punches Jeff in the cheek, they are lawfully required to punch the other cheek. Otherwise they get the death penalty.
Pork went from unclean to clean when Jeff decided bacon tasted pretty good.
When Jeff broke a string on a guitar while leading praise at the end of the song, he simply prayed and it fearfully unbroke itself.
Spelling
J
LEE
F
F
in scrabble gets you 100,000 points, plus 50 more if you use all 7 letters in your rack.
Jeff Lee does not actually read the Bible, he soaks it in through his pores.
When Jeff Lee accidentally stepped into a confession booth, the priest started confessing to him.
Jeff Lee once thought he forgot to do a Quiet time until he realized he read his Bible and prayed for pleasure in the afternoon.
