Conspicuous Cynic

I started smoking in college. I began at the encouragement a couple of friends, sometimes in a park or a backyard. I remember I had to stop when I started working. But after my brief finance career ended I could smoke again and enjoy the outdoors.

When I told a friend about how I started smoking again, he seemed concerned “You ok? Want to talk about it? Why’d you start?”

I was perfectly fine at the moment and I suppose he seemed interested enough if he wanted to talk about it. Nonetheless, It was the last question that I felt was most appropriate to answer, and I did:

As I said before, it started in college. I had two friends Kevin and Oscar. I wouldn’t say either of them was a bad influence, but I do think that if my parents found out I was smoking during school time, they probably would not have been too happy that I wasn’t devoting that time studying. What can I say? That’s the Korean mindset.

Kevin did things a bit differently I guess from me, which is why I liked him. He was born Korea, so I suppose that could explain some things. Nonetheless he said he smoked a few times before in his life, usually with older people or something like that. You learn you forget the details, even with your closest friends.  He enjoyed smoking by himself, because of the alone time it gave him. I learned to appreciate that as I got older too. Smoking gave me, “Me Time”. No other worries or concerns and I’ll admit I thought it was kind of cool the way people would look at me when I was smoking. I always thought girls found the habit kind of interesting, perhaps a bit edgy? Instead of being socially awkward with strange conversation, I could pretend I was concentrating on smoking. What can I say? I am massively insecure.

Oscar was a unique guy himself. He wasn’t really the type of guy to bust A’s in schools or do everything on time. But, he was the type of kid who when he put his mind to something, he would be behind it 100%. When we decided to start smoking, I realized Oscar was a good friend to start smoking with. Even better, he was always up for smoking. Anytime, I could call him up and say, “Hey Oscar! Let’s smoke.”, and he would be up for it. I even remember one time we started smoking on his balcony, we got chastised by an old couple. They screamed at us, “You are going to one day cause a fire!”. They were old farts, how could smoking cause a fire? I think it was just because we looked young. Who knows what was causing them to be so cantankerous. Even though Oscar lives far away, I always know he’d be ready to smoke.

I’ll admit the first time I smoked with these kids, I thought it tasted real good. Smokiness is obviously one characteristic that I tasted, but it also tasted very sweet, like the smell of the inside of a fine tobacco shop. So, was it only “peer pressure”? Perhaps. I think though watching enough TV or through my own travel and curiosity I would have come across it in some other way. It’s not like I live in a vacuum or anything. I know how I might not necessarily fit into that demographic of a “typical smoker”, but I don’t think that would have stopped me anyways. I’ll admit I don’t really look like the typical smoker. When I am around people who smoked for many years, they can tell I am a newbie. Nowadays, a lot of people don’t smoke anyways. Even if they do, most probably keep it to themselves. It’s not like the first thing people say when they introduce themselves is, “Oh hi, my name is John and I like to smoke.”

I know what you are thinking, it can be a nasty habit. Every part of your body smells like smoke. I remember showering right after I smoked, my Mom was able to figure out  that I had been smoking that afternoon. At church, it is always embarrassing because one of the parent’s young daughter named Shelby, always walks by and screams really loudly, “You smell like smoke!” The audacity of children coupled with their frankness can certainly be humbling. Your hands pick up that smell real quick and no matter how many times you wash with soap, it definitely doesn’t go away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve burned my fingers by accident when I was not paying attention while I am smoking.

I know it’s not good for me, especially when I smoke for long periods of time. I didn’t realize this at first, but it can be somewhat of an expensive habit. When you smoke, you probably don’t realize it, but the day to day can definitely add up. Also, I don’t need a medical degree to tell me inhaling all of that smoke is probably not the best thing for me either. But what can I say? It relaxes me. I cough a little here and there but for the most part I can manage. The worst is if the smoke gets in your eyes. I tear up quite a bit and actually during those moments I ask myself, “Why do you need to do this?”  But, I realize the answer to that question is pretty obvious.

I smoke because it teaches me to be patient. It shows me the best things need time to fully mature and be savored. It taught me the best decisions sometimes aren’t made in an instant but need to be thought out carefully.

I smoke because it is relaxing. I can do it by myself and take the moment to ponder something other than the daily things that stress me. When friends see me with my fire, they know to stay back.

I smoke because I can make it social. While smoking, I can play cards with my friends, eat a couple snacks or discuss for hours the latest political stories.

Finally, I smoke because there is nothing quite like waiting ten hours before opening the smoker and being hit with massive plumes of applewood smoke as a juicy piece of brisket emerges.

He interrupted me, “You’re an idiot, you scared me for a second.”

I am still confused. I think he was a vegetarian.

How to Make Bacon

So for those of you who think I am all talk with this smoking habit. I want to show you guys how to make some of the things I’ve always talked about. My apologies for those who need to keep Kosher/Halal/Vegetarian, I will post up more recipes (Brisket, Salmon, Trout, Pulled Pork)

The reason why I pick Bacon is because its the simplest and also the most forgiving. You could screw up in a lot of ways and still get a piece of meat that might be a little salty/overcooked/dry but still quite delicious. Come on guys, it’s Bacon! So here we go.

Ingredients:
Sam Gyup Sal (Pork Belly)
Brown Sugar
Salt (Non-Iodized)
I swear that’s it……

Prep Work

If you are wondering where you can some of this glorious meat, ask anyone with the surname Kim where their mother goes to shop for groceries. If you live in Flushing, LA or Bergen County this shouldn’t be too big a deal. Otherwise, you might have to ask a Butcher to slice some pork belly for you. I would say 1/3 inch to 1/2 inch cut is fine. You can get a huge slab, totally uncut but it will take longer to smoke and will have less surface area exposed to smoke flavor. Also, unless you have a slicer it might be tougher for you to get cool slices of bacon.

Get some Sam Gyup Sal (Sliced Pork Belly) from your local Korean Grocer. It should look something like this

You need to set up a dry brine for the meat. I use roughly 3 parts sugar and 1 part salt (I tried to 2 to 1 the last time but it came out a little too salty. Since you can always add salt later but never take it away, I err on the side of little less salty), but actually do it mostly by feel. I take this mixture and pretty much coat the bacon until it is completely covered by the the dry brine. After it is covered, put each slice of bacon in a non-metallic container. I would also advise to stick with non-iodized Kosher salt. The iodine can sometimes leave a slightly metallic twinge on the flavor of the bacon. Likewise, those with fancy sea salts should also be wary that sometimes the meat might pick up and intensify some metallic flavors.

It should look something like this. Don’t worry about the “gooeyness”, the purpose of this process is to extract water from the bacon and gives the bacon a very sweet and intense flavor.
You can let the bacon sit in the fridge for a day or so. It will look something like this:
Notice how all of the sugar/salt crystals are gone. That is a good sign since it means plenty of moisture has been extracted from the meat. I usually just cure it overnight, but have experimented for longer with good results as well. I would be careful as to the amount of bacon you pack. If you pack too much the container might overflow with the curing liquid once you open it up again.
Take all of the bacon out and rinse them with water. This might be perhaps the most surreal experience mankind can experience with fat. You know that heavy breathing noise Paula Deen makes whenever she talks about using more butter, you can actually feel that as you rinse the bacon. This is part of why making bacon by yourself never gets old. But I digress. Make sure there is no excess glop on any of the bacon and proceed to lay it out on racks/foil/towels. I would pat off excess water with a paper towel and let them sit there for a while. This is going to take a bit of time as well, I’d say at least 2 hours or so. Racks are probably the best since you get the best airflow. If you are running a little short on time or are just really impatient, you could turn on a fan and speed up the process a bit. Don’t try drying the meat outside. I have to then deal with neighborhood cats that prowl around. Once its thoroughly dried, try touching the meat and seeing if its a little sticky and shiny. At this point, its ready for the smoker.

(Shoo! Bear! Shoo!)

Smoking Time (Standard Grill)

You will need at this point an everyday charcoal grill, charcoal and wood. I would also suggest using charcoal chimneys which really help speed up the process.

These are rather simple contraptions. Simply put some charcoal on the top, stuff one sheet of newspaper underneath and light the paper on fire. Around 15 minutes or so you’ll have glowing hot embers to use for your fire. I also suggest using natural wood charcoal, not briquettes. These tend to last much longer than your average briquette and don’t leave a whole pile of ash to contend with. The charcoal thus is not uniformly shaped and looks all jagged like this:

Once the coals are ready, place them into the side of the grill. Don’t use too many, the point is the get the bacon to smoke not to grill. Place the bacon on your grill trays and place them on the opposite side of the grill. Then place a couple wood chunks by the coals. (In this case, I am using apple since its smoke is tasty without being too harsh. I’ve used maple, cherry, oak and pear as well, but apple has been my go to wood). It should look something like this:

Notice how the wood has not caught fire. You don’t want the wood to be flaming hot but instead just emitting good clouds of smoke. If you close your grill, plumes of smoke should be streaming out.

Leave it alone for 2 hours at around 200-250 degrees. Don’t feel too bad if it gets a little bit hotter than as long as smoke is coming out. Since the meat is relatively thin, you don’t need to spend too long smoking it, like a brisket or ribs.

Smoking (Vertical Water Smoker)

Smoking with the vertical smoker is not much different.

These things are pretty cool. A bottom bowl for holding the coals, a middle bowl for water, a couple grill grates for the meat and a lid. These simple contraptions aren’t too pricey and keep the process simple. The process is pretty much the same.

Light up your coals into the bottom bowl/pan.

While the fireworks are kind of cool here, this actually can be annoying since the embers can burn you. I used Royal Oak for the first time and this happened. I used Whole Foods brand which has worked extremely well for me.

After you get the coals ready, fill your middle pan with water. Since the vertical smoker has the heat source directly under your food, the water pan cools some of the heat, preventing the food from being cooked before its properly smoked. The pan will also catch any drippings that might otherwise fall directly on the coals. Then, stock up the trays with your meat and rack them in your smoker.

At this point you can close the contraption. Usually, in these smokers there will be a side door for you to manage the fire, as well as place your wood.

Again, the wood should be right on top of the coals and shouldn’t flame up on their own. Notice how the water pan is shielding the meat from direct heat. The key with smoking is indirect heat. Give it a couple hours.

Regardless, of which smoker you use as long as the temperature isn’t too hot and the smoke is pillowy and abundant you’ll have a fine looking and tasting bacon. Midway through the process the bacon will probably look like this.

Wait a bit longer, and you’ll get a more deeply brown colored bacon.

Again, watch out for any wildlife that might try to steal your meat. Since, NJ laws prevent me from hunting brown bears without a license, I can only shoo him away.

(They always return)

After the bacon is done smoking, I would crisp it on a grill or skillet. This will get them nice and crispy and concentrate the salty, sweet, smoky, fatty flavors into Paula Deen heaven.

Voila. Bacon!!!!
Since this isn’t your typical store-bought bacon with preservatives and since I don’t use nitrates either during the curing process, this bacon will last a little more than a week. I wouldn’t try to extend the life of it too long, but I guarantee after you and your friends taste it, you probably won’t let it sit in the fridge for too long.

Spicy Southwest Bacon

For those of you willing to experiment, I also made a “Spicy Southwest Bacon”. I made a dry rub that included paprika, chipotle powder, chili powder, cumin and garlic powder. Then I covered the bacon in the rub and proceeded to smoke it immediately after.
It looks a little grimy, but once I smoked it and cooked it, it came out quite nice. A deep smoky flavor with a real earthy spiciness. Quite tasty. Most people I served this too actually enjoyed it more than the sweeter bacon.

As some of you may know, I am attempting to learn Korean in Korea.

I thought my program would be filled with students like me, American-Born Koreans wholly incapable of putting Korean sentences together without looking like a fool. Nonetheless, I’ve realized the program is quite diverse as there are a ton of Japanese/Chinese/Other Asian people, as well as the rare few from other nations. I’ve broken down some of the different people I’ve come across.

1) Studious Japanese Girl

This girl will kick your ass if you are in a class with her.  Don’t let the cute demeanor, Hello Kitty pencil case or deferential nature fool you; this girl probably speaks Korean better than my aunt in Seoul. When she smiles, says an impeccable “Anyonghasaeyo” and gives you the peace sign, run, don’t walk, and beg to be put in a different class. She will bow and apologize to the teacher for coming in two minutes early.

Note-taking is hurried but impeccably neat, bad jokes by the teacher are politely giggled at (one hand covering mouth, other hand covering skirt), and rote memorization of data is done at a pace that rivals your latest PC computer. She is the praying mantis of exchange students, except after she eats you up in reading, writing and speaking she’ll bow dutifully and say  “arigato goizaimasu” to you as you lay there stunned and defeated. There are no atheists in a classroom with the SJG. She is an unstoppable force of academic might and is probably the reason why you lazily watch football on a crystal clear Sony, cruise comfortably in a Honda Accord and why you have sudden subliminal urges to to obey Lord Hirohito and destroy Westerners.

2) The WTF are you wearing.

(I know he’s Korean……)
Usually from Japan/China, this guy has pants that are tighter than those of your girlfriend. His hair is a different style everyday and always has a streak of coloring. Most of this guys time is spent either borrowing his friends mirror or in the bathroom making sure every strand of hair is is perfectly in place. Wearing of non-flamboyant shirts seem impossible as some combination of swooping V-necks, tight pink, jean shirts are in place. Belt buckle is extremely ostentatious and this man can accessorize better than your Hannah Montana-watching adolescent girl.

Girls are even more confusing.  Glasses larger than the face, black and white striped shirt, yellow colored beret, jean miniskirt over green colored stockings, pink boots. Next day, more ill-matching attire and accessories, which makes even Lady Gaga cry WTF.  This phenomena can only be explained if you were to tell me her daily attire is randomly chosen by Andrea Bocelli at a Salvation Army outlet. Rule of thumb seems to be, if it matches, don’t wear it together.

3) Freakin’  White guy

(Forgive me, I know the pic shows a Japanese flag)

Most are from the US.  No real reason for them to be here. I see around 50 white dudes and 2 white girls. If the businesses they worked for really needed their employees to learn Korean, I am sure they don’t need only their male employees to learn the language. For this, I am highly suspicious of their motives. Most of them when asked why they are here give your token, “I enjoy Korean culture and cuisine” and smile. This is of course a lie, for he could kill two dogs, i mean, birds with one stone by eating bosintang.

Realistically, his presence is a natural response to the economic phenomena known as “Supply and Demand”. Korea provides an endless supply of Korean women that he demands. Thus his countenance rivals that of an unneutered bulldog at the Westminster Dog Show and is essentially walking around with a sign that says, “I have U.S. citizenship”. Korean aptitude is surprisingly strong for a “gringo” though not at all surprising once your realize this gentleman was also a chairmen of his respective school’s KSA.

4) American-born Korean tough guy

(I have no idea who this guy is, poor dude)
If any of you live in an area that has more than a few Koreans, you know who I am talking about as they have probably picked fights with your parents, baby sister or wheelchair-bound grandmother.  For those who don’t know, the only way I can describe it is if you took the personalities of the guys on the Jersey Shore and put them in the bodies of skinny Korean kids who are trying too hard. Smoking cigarettes and saying the word “Fuck” seems to be their form of sustenance as only this can seem to explain why both are done with such frequency and conviction.  For some, Korea seems to be their last outlet for redemption.  Living in America for all their life seems not to be a sufficient condition for them to learn proper English. Thus they are in desperate search for job qualifications other than demeaning women and picking fights with people. Others, are here chilling out and looking for a party every night hoping that this program is actually the “Loveboat” their friends (who attended in the past) told them about. This second variety though is rare this time around, as most come during the summer after the semester is over at school. Korean aptitude is usually poor and nonfunctional except in a setting when ordering drinks or asking  a girl for her number.

Mr. McDoof

As I have told a couple of my friends, the Korean formula for success in school has been remarkably simple: Hagwon and Beatdowns. Rote learning and repetition followed with discipline if anyone gets out of hand. Screw the carrot, just stick please. The second part is self-explanatory on why it works, lets go back to the first.

Koreans are notorious for their obsession with after-school school, otherwise known as hagwon. The premise is simple: as long as I give my child enough of a leg up against the competition he will  be able to differentiate himself from the pack and emerge victorious.

Except not so fast, you see this is what we call a prisoner’s dilemma…..(I actually did really poorly in game theory, so this could be total bull$#!t)

Ok quick prisoner’s dilemma lesson per Wiki:

Two suspects are arrested by the police. The police have insufficient evidence for a conviction, and, having separated both prisoners, visit each of them to offer the same deal. If one testifies (defects from the other) for the prosecution against the other and the other remains silent (cooperates with the other), the betrayer goes free and the silent accomplice receives the full 10-year sentence. If both remain silent, both prisoners are sentenced to only six months in jail for a minor charge. If each betrays the other, each receives a five-year sentence. Each prisoner must choose to betray the other or to remain silent. Each one is assured that the other would not know about the betrayal before the end of the investigation. How should the prisoners act?

	Prisoner B Stays Silent	Prisoner B Rats
Prisoner A Stays Silent	Each serves 6 months	Prisoner A: 10 years Prisoner B: goes free
Prisoner A Rats	Prisoner A: goes free Prisoner B: 10 years	Each serves 5 years

The prisoners should of course both stay quiet and get their 6 months before they commit more crimes again. Unfortunately, each has an incentive to rat on the other guy. To put it simply, regardless of the other prisoner’s behavior one’s own individual utility is maximized by ratting on the other guy. If he rats, I can rat and get 5 or I can stay silent and get 10. If he doesnt rat, I can rat and go free or I can stay silent and get 6 months. Thus the expected outcome of this game or “Nash Equilibrium” is for both to rat on the other. (Notice how this fares the prisoners a worse outcome than if they both stayed quiet)

Now of course this “game” is not that problematic if we are actually talking about two felons here. But what if they are innocent? Both have incentives to rat on the other. It becomes rather unfortunate when this dilemma rears its ugly head elsewhere too. Let’s rephrase this scenario a bit:

Two Asian mothers are trying their best to get their kid into a top-tier school.  Each parent has discussed the notion of increasing their child’s workload at a hagwon. If one tutors (defects from the other) and the other chills out a bit (cooperates with the other), the tutored kid will get a leg up on the other kid. If both remain silent, both moms will have saved a lot of money. If both choose to tutor, each will lose a lot of money. Each mom must choose to tutor or chill out. Each one is assured that the other would not know about the tutoring before they sign up. How should the mother’s act?

	Mom B chills out	Mom B tutors
Mom A chills out	Kids maintain relative performance	Kid B gets a leg up Kid A plays catch up
Mom A tutors	Kid A gets a leg up Kid B plays catch up	Kids maintain relative performance Mom’s lose a whole bunch of cash

OK, this model is not perfect, (for one, this is a much larger game with more than two players, the payoffs might also differ in a few ways) but it should serve as a starting point in this debate. We can discuss the nitty-gritty later.

Within the context of this game, each mom has the incentive to tutor their kid no matter what the other mom does. As long as mom’s are more obsessed with making sure their kid can get a leg up on the other, the strategy of tutoring your kid will be always be played. This of course leads to a Nash equilibrium of a lot of Asian moms just wasting a bunch of cash.

How can I say this, doesn’t this affect everyone’s kids? Well yes and no, the important thing to remember is how Asian students are viewed within the context of college admissions. This is not a post on the merits/problems of affirmative action, nor do I want it to deviate into one.  On the basis of scores alone, Asian students would fill nearly four out of every five places in the admitted class not taken by African-American and Hispanic students. Again, I don’t care about arguing affirmative action right now (dont think removing AA would change this game either, nor do I think it should necessarily be removed), I am more concerned about the decision making of parents within the context of this game. In this case, since relative performance within race matters, this scenario is more painful to watch. Whether we examine SAT scores, GPAs or number of AP’s taken, if the median benchmark for Asians is simply shifting higher no one ends up at a better place than before.

Well, you could argue, “BDK, its better for these kids anyways since they are getting smarter, so it’s not a waste of cash”. I beg to differ. One concerned mother told me about the dilemma she has for her kid. She stated that her 8th grade son Mikey needed to take summer geometry course before he took geometry. The last time when he took algebra II, everyone else at his school had already taken algebra II in the summer. Mikey said himself, “everyone else was sleeping through class, while I was struggling to follow the teacher.”  I would argue that these other parents are doing a disservice to their kids in the future by not providing proper study habits. Nobody needed to take this summer class, but again it gave a leg up. This is also an epidemic with parents who find their kids “struggling”. Instead of teaching their kids to hash it out on their own for better or for worse, a grade lower than a A automatically prompts a tutor.

Per this Atlantic article on How a New Jobless Era Will Transform America:

“The ability to persevere and keep going” is “a much better predictor of life outcomes than self-esteem.” She (Jean Twenge) worries that many young people might be inclined to simply give up in this job market. “You’d think if people are more individualistic, they’d be more independent,” she told me. “But it’s not really true. There’s an element of entitlement—they expect people to figure things out for them.”

Over-tutoring prevents kids from really reaching out and finding any sort of entrepreneurial spirit. The formula has been simple, do everything mom says and you’ll go to a good school. But whats next? It should make parents wonder why so many SAT camps boast of tutors with 1500+ (now 2300+) SAT scores. I am sure the thinking is not: I wil send my kid to get tutored and pay thousands of dollars so he could eventually become an SAT tutor?  Or write a really dumb blog?

The article continues:

They’re used to checklists, he (Ron Alsop) says, and “don’t excel at leadership or independent problem solving.” Alsop interviewed dozens of employers for his book, and concluded that unlike previous generations, Millennials, as a group, “need almost constant direction” in the workplace. “Many flounder without precise guidelines but thrive in structured situations that provide clearly defined rules.”

Dare I say this might be the reason Asians find it difficult to rise to the top of management positions? I want to be careful here and overreach so I won’t necessarily conclude that. But certainly such controlled environments lead to more passive receivers of work rather than the movers and shakers in the corporate world.

I also want to be careful here about my own views on education. I respect and admire my own culture’s inclination to focus on education. Perhaps its the Confucius philosophy or it stems historically from  of preparing wholeheartedly for the Civil Service Exam. I just think the educational emphasis needs to be there without the fallback of tutoring every single time.

Well, whats the solution BDK? I don’t really have one. Games like this are usually solved with a commitment mechanism.For instance in the nuclear arms race, the US told the Soviets that if they ever picked up a missile fired by the Soviets on radar, US computers would already be programmed to launch a full, retaliatory arsenal back at the Soviets. I doubt a commitment mechanism to kill other parents for reneging on a deal not to tutor their kids is an optimal one.

Let me offer a different avenue (though incomplete solution). As one who played football and was pushed by a coach who believed in more probably more than I did in myself, I learned a lot more about overcoming obstacles; probably more so than solving a math problem I found easier than most else. As a scrawny kid surrounded by kids who were superior in every aspect of the game, I first recoiled a bit but then eventually attacked my weaknesses and became stronger both physically and mentally. While I am sure now every Korean kid has his sports, along with his orchestra and community service, I think allowing your kid to actually struggle in a sport that he really likes might end up serving him better in the long run. Perhaps this is why we see many successful athletes also rise to the prominent positions of power. Not because of raw smarts  but because of an ability to persevere and keep going.

Romans 5:3-4